I had a nice day today, including two hours at knitting club this morning, and lovely, peaceful visit to the haberdashery department of John Lewis.
Department stores are one of the reasons I love cities. Especially John Lewis.
However, I do think I need to get some proper friends here, because I am potentially spending a little too much time alone with my thoughts.
The big think of the moment is the wonder at why I always seem to default to pessimism (pessimissity?). Came back from team days yesterday, which was a really fun and encouraging time, and I checked my email. Then one (and just one, mind you) of the messages in my inbox sent me into an evening of obsessive mental dissection. It wasn’t even a bad email, it just contained half a sentence which was slightly ambiguous, and I instantly jumped to wondering what it meant, and inventing all sorts of nightmare scenarios which were bound to unfold.
Why do I do this?
Why do I always assume the worse?
Why do I beg and plead with God to answer my prayers (whilst often assuming he won’t) and then thank and praise him for all of a minute (when he does answer) before heading down another doom and gloom road?
It is an increasingly frustrating aspect of my personality.
However… as always, rejoicing in grace – or trying to at least!
God does answer my prayers. Things are ok, and in his control. He forgives me when I’m pessimistic and ungrateful. And he is good, all the time.
So, resting in that, and on the lookout for some local friends so I can spend a little bit more time with people, and a little less time in my own, crazy head.
In summary: knitting, and trying to be a little bit more like Pollyanna (and Jesus, obviously).